he won't do it. yeah. he's one of the highest ranking cabinet members who hasn't given up 5% of his salary. though, in fairness, it'll take biden at least a month to figure out what 5% of his salary is. [ laughter and applause ] "nine plus -- no. divided by -- no -- huh, hey, boobs. look, it says boobs." [ laughter ] that's right. apparently joe biden is still refusing to give up any of his salary. when asked for comment he was like, "look, i kept my room clean. that was the deal." [ laughter ] this is an interesting story right here, you guys. now that marijuana is legal in -- let me finish. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] -- marijuana is legal in washington state -- [ cheers ] -- police in seattle -- i'm not kidding -- they're returning the weed that they confiscated. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] this is so great! especially 'cause people don't remember it being taken away. [ laughter ] they're like, "what's going on,

officer? oh, my -- what? thank you!" getting weed from a police officer. it's going to be a fun show tonight. keith richards is here! [ cheers and applause ] edie falco is here! [ cheers and applause ] ghostface killah is here! [ cheers and applause ] and we have dennis rodman fresh off -- [ cheers and applause ] fresh out the box, fresh off his trip to north korea. [ laughter ] hanging around with kim jong-un. [ laughter ] fresh off his appearance on "celebrity apprentice." [ cheers ] i'm going to ask him what it was like to spend time with a crazy power hungry mad man, and then we'll talk about kim jong-un. [ laughter ] did you see gary busey on "celebrity apprentice" last night? [ cheers ] that's my man. but there's a moment when he met donald trump's wife, and it was one of the weirdest things i've ever seen ever. this is how he described her. watch.

>> melania is mrs. trump. her beauty lives 5,000 miles past heaven. have you ever had your genitalia so excited that it spins like a ferris wheel in a carnival ride? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what? >> steve: what? no! >> jimmy: what's really crazy is that's his actual profile on match.com. [ laughter ] it's just the weirdest -- it's not going to help him. i don't even know how you come up with that? >> steve: like a ferris wheel at a carnival ride. >> jimmy: i don't understand. it's a fun show. i've been watching. hey, you guys, this is scary. scientists have discovered a new type of tarantula that is eight inches wide. yeah, even environmentalists are like, "you killed that thing, right?" [ laughter ] get this. over the weekend, a rare baseball card was sold at an auction for $2 million. yep. turns out it's an a-rod card

that actually shows him playing. [ laughter ] "where'd you get that?" [ applause ] this is crazy. today, an anti-government protester confronted russian president vladimir putin and took off her shirt. take a look at this, though. look at how putin's dealing with this. [ laughter ] we didn't doctor the photo at all. can we zoom in on his thumbs? look at his -- look at -- [ laughter ] that's the actual photo! [ laughter and applause ] that's the real -- we didn't doctor that. can we see that again? [ laughter ] right now he's thinking -- [ in russian accent ] "i feel like ferris wheels spinning at the carnival ride." [ laughter and applause ] [ as gary busey ] "you ever have your genitalia --" [ laughter ] [ normal voice ] i can't wait. he might win. i don't know. >> steve: he's probably gonna win. >> jimmy: i don't know if he will. >> steve: you want to see him on that -- >> jimmy: i want to see him here on the show. yeah, exactly. >> steve: see if he's real. >> jimmy: i can't wait to talk

to him, yeah. i saw that casey kasem is selling his home in los angeles for $42 million. take a look at this place. nice. i'm not sure i'd ever buy that house, but i'd love to hear his sales pitch. it's like -- [ as kasem ] >> "dear casey, i'm in the market for a giant luxury mansion, but it's too much money. can you come down 10 million? love, jennifer. well, jennifer, i'm afraid i can't come down in price, but i can tell you to keep your feet on the ground and to go eff off." hey, what? why would you -- [ cheers and applause ] dusting off old impressions. listen to this, guys. six dancers from the cuban ballet have defected to the u.s. while on tour with their company. cuban officials are furious that the dancers snuck away, but they have to admit that they did it very gracefully. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

hey, check this out, guys. kfc. you guys like kfc? [ cheers and applause ] i do. that's my jam. kfc is introducing new pieces of boneless chicken as an alternative to a traditional drumstick. when asked how they made them, kfc said, "well, pigeons aren't as bony -- i mean, chef's secret!" [ laughter ] "it's a chef's secret. press conference over. chef's secret." [ light laughter ] you guys, after months of anticipation, season six of "mad men" premiered last night. [ cheers and applause ] it was great, of course. and i wanted to show you guys the recap of the episode, but i don't want to spoil anything 'cause people haven't seen it yet. so, for this recap, we only used clips with no spoilers. here's your guaranteed -- i'm not joking -- guaranteed spoiler free recap of the season premiere of "mad men." take a look. >> good morning. you got to call ted. >> about what? >> i don't know. something bad. >> i don't know. >> i don't even know what the problem is. >> well, it's somehow related to

something. >> isn't somebody going to say something? >> i don't know. >> i don't know if i can do it justice. >> i don't even know what it is. >> i got to go. >> is that good or bad? >> what? >> i don't know. >> i had an experience. i don't know how to put it into words. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there you go. fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] get you all caught up to speed. [ applause ] [ as busey ] "it's like if your genitals are in the backseat of the volkswagen and --" [ laughter ] >> steve: genitalia. your genitalia. >> jimmy: i can't relate. i don't know what he's saying. >> steve: i don't know. no, i have not. >> jimmy: and finally, you guys, this is not good. disney is laying off 150 employees at the lucasarts, the company behind the "star wars" video games. which explains that new line in the game, "luke, move back in with your father." [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for the roots right there! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a hot show tonight. oh, my goodness. hey, are you guys familiar with instagram, right? [ cheers and applause ] it's a fun app. it's an app for your phone that lets you take a picture and post it so all your friends and followers can see it. it's super fun. i'm always posting photos of my dog, gary, doing weird stuff. earlier today, i posted a photo of my dog with the hashtag "my pet is weird." it says, "gary likes to eat her bed." and gary, if you're watching, and i know you are, don't eat your bed. it's not a chew toy. [ laughter ] mommy and daddy ordered that from -- very expensive. you lie on it and go to sleep. i know it looks like your other chewy toys, but you don't do that. anyway, we're not talking right now, me and gary. >> steve: you and gary? >> jimmy: yeah, me and my dog, yeah. >> steve: the bed does look like broccoli. >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: the bed looks like broccoli. >> jimmy: no, that's the stuffing inside the bed. >> steve: oh, okay. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: it does look like broccoli, though. yeah, that is weird. [ light laughter ] all of that stuffing it happened in, like, five seconds. >> steve: you go, "here's your bed, gary." >> jimmy: yeah, and she was looking at it weird. and she, like, sniffing it and scratching it. i go, "don't scratch the bed." >> steve: and then, she goes, "well, have you ever had your genitalia feel like -- [ laughter ] >> jmy: here's where -- here's where you guys come in. i want you to go on instagram and post us a picture of your pet doing something weird. tell us what your pet is doing, and put the hashtag "my pet is weird" so that we can find it. and then, we'll pick the best pictures and show them this week on our show. it'll be fun. [ cheers and applause ] we have a big show tonight. look at this guy. [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] he's a rock and roll legend. from the rolling stones, keith richards is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] she's an amazing actress. we love it when she stops by. edie falco is dropping in! [ cheers and applause ] he's the latest celebrity to hear "you're fired" fired from donald trump on "all-star celebrity apprentice."

dennis rodman is joining us! [ cheers and applause ] the worm. and we have music from ghostface killah! [ cheers and applause ] that's a party. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: that is a party right there. >> steve: that's a show. >> jimmy: now it is time to take a look at the news of the now of the news of the night and the news of the now. it's time for "night news now." [ cheers and applause ] >> tonight on "night news now," harrison ford describes his pet donkey. >> he's an ass. >> denzel washington says, well, i think that that's -- >> well, i think that that's -- >> and james franco talked about having a bird drink orange juice out of his belly button. >> feels good. >> it's time for "night news now." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello. let's see what's happening. in sports, the louisville cardinals faced the michigan wolverines in the men's college basketball national championship. here for more on the game is our compulsive lying sports correspondent, trent gouch. trent? >> thank you, jimmy. the star of tonight's game was louisville point guard kirsten dunst.

dunst scored 18 points and gave 13 kisses to a fat goose. [ laughter ] meanwhile, syracuse was led by a soup spoon and two burnt marshmallows. [ light laughter ] one of the burnt marshmallows was leading the team in rebounds before he was accidentally eaten by an old man who had fallen asleep with his mouth open in row two. [ laughter ] at halftime, the referees went to p.f. changs and talked about boobies. [ laughter ] that's your sports report. i'm stephanie williams, and i'm a 15-year-old girl who loves ponies. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, trent. it's time to take a look at our poll of the day. it looks like 45% said "nuh-uh" while 55% said "yes-huh." that was your poll of the day. now it's time for your poehler of the day. [ laughter and applause ] for a look at the weather, let's check in with our weatherman, gary. how you doing, gary? >> not too good, actually.

i've been having these night terrors where i wake up clammy and sweaty and -- >> jimmy: thanks so much, gary. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and now, for our top story. top sales have been on a steady decline since 1956. [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] moving on. in stock news, let's check in with our correspondent who's down on the floor. >> the dow jones is down 35 points while the s&p 500 rose more than 50 points. overall, things are holding pretty steady. back to you, jimmy. >> jimmy: thanks. [ applause ] and now, here to talk about some great destinations on a budget is our travel correspondent, mark dendy. so, mark, what are some of your travel recommendations? >> well, if you want to get out of the country without going too far, i'd recommend toronto. >> jimmy: yeah, i've been to toronto.

it's a wonderful, wonderful city. what about for those who are seeking more exotic locations? >> well, i'd definitely recommend the lesser known boracay island in the philippines. it's a lovely little spot, especially this time of year. i personally like hiking and other outdoor activities. any place you could recommend for me? >> well, sure, yeah. [ laughter ] look no further than the vast and diverse landscape of iceland. >> jimmy: great. now, mark, i have to ask, how are you growing that so quickly? >> you know, i just water it about two times a week and give it plenty of sunshine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i see. i see. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] and finally, season three of the highly anticipated hbo series, "game of thrones," recently premiered. while we don't know how this season will play out, we do know that this is what some of the characters would look like if their faces were turned upside-down. >> watch out for him. >> i always do. to help the -- with him.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was "night news now." stick around. be right back with keith richards! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hey, guys. a few weeks ago i told you about the bud light bucket table challenge that was going on in local establishments all across the country. this is much easier to do. well, there you go. a ton of you entered. it all came down to the finals today. stay tuned during the break to watch the final teams who competed today here in new york city and see who won the $25,000 grand prize. we'll be right back. keith richards! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ it's the end of an era.

all the parties... the stories... i'm going to miss your smell. you were my first. what? i knew it. i knew it. it's true. oh man, i'm sorry i broke your leg.

i wrote a song... [ man clears throat ] sorry. here we go. [ male announcer ] keep the good times going with the crisp, refreshing taste of bud light. here we go. whoa. check out this new couch. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is the epitome of cool and indisputably one of the greatest guitarists

in the history of rock 'n' roll. he and his band mates are hitting the road on the 50 and counting tour. tickets went on sale today. it's my great honor to welcome back to the show from the rolling stones, mr. keith richards! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about! looking cooler than ever. i picked up this shirt today. remember this guy? [ laughter ] you're a cool dude! you are -- cool. >> i can still do that. >> jimmy: i know you can. last time you were here, you came on the show, we started talking about what you do when you're not playing. and you said that you grow these lemons, this lemon tree.

>> yeah part, yes, among other things. >> jimmy: yeah, but one of you do -- you don't only do that. >> no, no. >> jimmy: yeah. but you said that these lemons are -- you go, "jimmy, they're like the size of a grapefruit." i go, "yeah, that's pretty --" you go, "they're giant lemons." and i go, "yeah, that's cool man." and -- it's weird. [ laughter ] talking to keith richards about lemons and then -- >> i know. >> jimmy: i show up at a party. and you were at that party. i go, "keith, how are you, man?" and you put your hand in your pocket and you gave me a lemon. and you autographed it. there it is right there. that's the lemon. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, it is. >> jimmy: very nice that you remember that. >> it was -- >> jimmy: and very, very cool. yeah. thank -- and then -- what i did was i had mario batali take the lemon and make it a moroccan preserved lemon for you. and i gave that to you. do you remember what you did with that? >> we had that baby. >> jimmy: yeah, was it good? >> yeah -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. and then -- here's what i did. here's what i did. i took the seeds from your lemon --

>> don't tell me, don't tell me. >> jimmy: i put it in a ziplock bag with a paper towel. and i -- i researched this. i sprouted out. there it is in a dixie cup. >> man. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: here's that lemon right now. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's the circle of life. ♪ ingonyama ingonyama ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, man. >> jimmy: it's the circle of life right there. i just want you to know i didn't forget, though. >> i'm so glad to see this old chap coming along. >> jimmy: thank you. yeah. there it is. right, yeah. so, now you touched it. now, it'll just grow even better. i researched it. i think it said in 19 years i can have one lemon from this. [ laughter ] >> yes. >> jimmy: if things go well. >> hey, with this one don't me surpred if it starts to jack and the beanstalk on you. >> jimmy: now it's got the magic touch. right there. i got to see you in december you

were at the barclays center with the rolling stones. >> yeah. >> jimmy: gosh, that was amazing. it was so fun. and that was -- and everyone's saying, like, oh this might be it, you might not do anymore tours after this. >> he keeps playing that, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why don't they learn their lesson. your -- i mean -- did you just fall in love with it again, and you go like, we got to go on the road? >> the shows -- shows the end of last year was too overwhelming for us actually. i mean -- come on, you know, i mean. this is begging for more. you know? and so are we. actually, i mean, you get antsy when you're not on the road. there's -- after 50 years -- did i say that? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you start growing lemon trees, stuff like that. yeah, yeah. >> you know, and you start to know that you need to go on the road if you're starting to grow lemons. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the signal. so i was at the show, and i'm watching. it was just unbelievable. if you haven't seen the rolling stones ever, you're really missing out. there's a part of your soul that hasn't developed. you have to go see the rolling stones in concert. >> i'm good with that.

>> jimmy: it is amazing. and i'm sitting there -- and it's a true story. i got -- i got some beers. i'm going, "excuse me" i'm walking through, you know, being annoying right before you start. who's sitting next to me? paul mccartney. >> oh, yeah, paul. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: yeah. so paul mccartney's sitting next to me. i go, unbelievable. so i chugged the first beer. i didn't even taste it. i don't even know what it was. yeah. so i had -- and i'm watching the show, and it's unbelievable. and you do a beatles song. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: and i'm like, what do i like at? do i look at mick and you or do i look paul mccartney? you're singing the beatles song? the rolling stones are going to -- so i'm like -- my mind was about to explode. it was the oddest experience. i was going to ask you, do -- does it bother you if you recognize people in your crowd? >> no. i'm just glad the old friends still want to hang around and see us. >> jimmy: oh, that's all right. that's cool. yeah. i mean 'cause -- i would --

yeah, absolutely. [ cheers and applause ] so i wouldn't throw you off, if i was -- if i got front row seats and i'm just screaming going, yeah! >> jimmy, yeah, you know, if you're in the front row -- >> jimmy: yeah. would that be a little to -- >> that would add something extra. >> jimmy: yeah, i'll wear a disguise. you know, once i remember, i saw you in l.a. -- people just tell you stories how they saw you. does it bore you? >> they do, they do. no, no. because they all have a different angle on what they saw, who they think they saw. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. i know -- i was in los angeles. it was the bridges to babylon tour. and my seats weren't that great. but all of the sudden, a bridge comes out of your stage and lands right next to my crappy seat! [ laughter ] i'm like, i think i have the best seats in the world. and you walked over this bridge. and people were like, "oh, my god, keith!" they're pulling their -- trying to pull your clothes off, which i don't get. [ laughter ] because, i mean, i do get it but i don't -- that's not what i meant. >> they didn't get them. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: you know what i mean. >> yeah, yeah. i know what you mean. >> jimmy: you're walking by. and you're walking by on this

bridge, and i look up, and i'm saying, "keith, keith, keith!" and i'm wearing a rolling stones tongue. i'm so -- i'm the geekiest fan. and i go, "i'm from new york! i'm from new york!" like that would somehow trigger something. >> i remember -- >> jimmy: and you're like, "okay, cool." you looked at me, and you slapped me five. and everybody around was like, what? and i was, i know, i know! [ laughter ] like, i'm from new york, i'm from new york. >> and then i didn't even know you then. >> jimmy: i know, exactly. and now here we are having a chat. but -- so this tour coming up, what is it? it is the same set list? is it new stuff? >> it's going to be a mixture. i won't find out -- i'm called to duty next week in rehearsals. and -- which is where we kick the stuff around and try and figure out how we want to balance it out, you know. we have the added duty of keeping mick taylor with us as well. >> jimmy: oh, really? oh, my gosh. fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] that was fun. >> yeah. >> jimmy: playing with him again. >> yeah, yeah. and it's great that he wanted to do some more.

and ronny and i, after all, i mean, you understand the stones records, sometimes they have four, five, maybe six guitars on them, you know, which we carefully overlay and artistically manufacture. >> jimmy: absolutely. >> then we get on stage and then -- and there's two of us. and we have to decide, you know, which are the important -- >> jimmy: which of the six. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> which of the six. >> jimmy: guitars or only two of them are going to play. >> but i have mick taylor with us is -- an added third guitar. hell, this means, you know, yeah this is going to be an interesting tour all around. do you think back, 19-year-old kid, keith richard. it's 50 years later. >> i can't remember him. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what if you guys met? what would you -- you be -- are you psyched that you ended up being who you are? >> i mean, to me it's always amazing. i mean, to be doing the same stuff. and turning people on. i mean, what is a musician doing?

tell me, boy. you play for other people and hope that you make them happy and you hope that they, you know, drop you a little bread on the side. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. yeah, exactly. that's what you want to do. just make the crowds happy. >> yeah. really. i mean, the other side of it is -- is all to do with economics. and i don't really know much about it. but -- well, i do know -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] can i ask you a question? there's a story i heard, and i never hear -- because i hear a zillion keith richards stories. and you never know which one's true. unless you get you on the show i can't ask you. >> which one. >> jimmy: all right. [ laughter ] this is -- we already talked about you snorting a human. >> that was just my dad. >> jimmy: that was just your father. yeah, that's right. your dad's ashes. it happens. i'm not kidding. that's a true story. and so this time, i want to hear -- there's a story about bobby keys. who's a saxophone player.

>> been with us for -- >> jimmy: years. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: apparently i heard a story where he hit a golf ball or something like that and then it landed in your breakfast. >> you know, bobby's memory is very accurate. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really. and so -- it landed in your breakfast. and then you pulled out a pistol -- >> he did shout fore. >> jimmy: he shouted fore. >> but then there's this golf ball in my scrambled eggs, man. [ light laughter ] and it's a little early in the morning for me to sort of take this as a joke, you know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. so he screamed fore. >> i pulled out the old trusty .38. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and blew that ball apart. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you shot -- >> completely unwinded. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. you've got to -- you've got to unwind. you guys, 50 and counting tour. go to rollingstones.com for

tickets. keith richards, you're the greatest. [ cheers and applause ] you're the greatest. thank you, buddy. don't get up. please, don't stand. we'll be right back, you guys. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] degree antiperspirant does more for you, so you can do more. ♪ ♪ only degree has motionsense activated by your movement, the more you move the more it protects. ♪ do more. ♪ degree. it won't let you down. upgrade to gillette fusion proglide. our micro-thin blades are thinner than a surgeon's scalpel to put less stress on your skin by gliding through hair.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a multiple golden globe and emmy award winner who is the only actress to have won an emmy in both the drama and comedy categories. [ scattered cheers ] starting this sunday -- i know, we love her. her show, "nurse jackie," starts its fifth season at 9:00 p.m. on showtime. please welcome back to our show, a terrific actress. she's the real deal. here's edie falco! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you look gorgeous. >> thank you. >> you look beautiful. welcome back. >> thank you. thank you for coming back to see us. >> a pleasure. >> jimmy: are you a big rolling stones fan? >> i am now. >> jimmy: yeah.

>> no, i'm kidding. >> jimmy: you have to, right? >> no. >> jimmy: you don't like rolling stones? >> no, i do. of course, i do. are you kidding me? >> jimmy: yeah. yeah, i was gonna say, you grew up in it. >> yeah, yeah, of course. >> jimmy: well good. you keep saying, "yes, no." so, i'm like, "yeah, no?" >> 'cause i had no idea what you're talking about. >> jimmy: oh, sorry. the rolling stones. yeah. >> i've heard of them. >> jimmy: last time keith was here, the alarms were going off. he just smoked. and the security guard went up to him and said, "mr. richards, you can't smoke." he goes, "i know. it's bad for your health." [ laughter ] >> i was wondering who wanted to be that guy. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. yeah, right? but i mean, did you -- did you see them live or did you have any -- >> i've never seen him live, no. no. but they were -- i grew up -- you know, they were sort of -- >> jimmy: yeah, they were just everywhere. >> they were the thing. >> jimmy: what was your music growing up? what did you like? >> beatles. >> jimmy: were you a beatles -- >> i was a huge beatles fan. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love the beatles. >> huge. the white album was huge in our house. >> jimmy: the white album. yeah. and did you look into those songs? like, did you -- "oh, my god, they're singing to me"? or did you play it backwards or -- >> no, i was very nerdy. my parents used to play it, though. i have a memory of my parents slow dancing to the white album when i was a kid.

>> jimmy: cute. >> it was so -- waking up in the middle of the night and they were slow dancing. >> jimmy: aw. >> it went downhill from there. but -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but you have good -- you have decent memories. i held onto that one. >> jimmy: at least, yeah. you're here -- you're actually -- besides "nurse jackie," you're also on broadway now or is it -- >> off broadway. doing a play. >> jimmy: off broadway. the manhattan theatre club. >> yep. >> jimmy: it's called "the madrid." >> yep. >> playing through may 5th. and you're a -- you're playing a teacher? >> i play a teacher. yeah. an elementary schoolteacher. >> jimmy: that's fun. do you have a -- did you have a good teacher growing up, like, that you remember? who was your favorite teacher? >> i had -- my favorite teacher would have to be sandy volereo. he was a choir conductor i had in high school. huge effects on my life. >> jimmy: really? >> still. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and why did you like him? >> he was a music teacher and he was crazy passionate about what he taught, which came through. and just about art, in general. and i really sort of got it. >> jimmy: that's awesome. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i love that. i had -- my favorite teacher was mr. ermin. >> all right. >> jimmy: and he was social studies. and he was just really like laid back and he would just -- he would kind of, like, go out and fix the water fountain in front of his room to make it at the right arc and angle of the water coming out of the spout and he used to --

he would just maintain that and i always respected that. [ laughter ] and so, i would go, "mr. ermin, how's that water fountain?" he goes, "aw, it's doing great, jimmy." like, he was a cool dude. and one time, i remember i was daydreaming. i was looking out the window. and he goes, "jimmy, you want to go out there or something?" i go, "sure, yeah, i do." he goes, "all right. i'll write you a pass." and he wrote me a pass. [ laughter ] and i go, "all right. later, dudes." and i went outside and i looked into the class from outside and i was waving at everybody. [ laughter ] >> oh, my god! >> jimmy: it was pretty cool. >> where did you grow up? >> jimmy: uh, well, it was in my head. i made it -- no, i'm just kidding. no, no. no -- saugerties, new york. saugerties high school. >> oh, saugerties. oh, upstate. >> jimmy: upstate, new york. that's -- that's where i was raised. >> very nice. >> jimmy: born in brooklyn. born in brooklyn. [ cheers and applause ] >> born in brooklyn! >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. there's nothing like that, right? >> no, just to be able to say that. >> jimmy: i know. i moved out when i was two, so i can't really say -- >> i moved out when i was four but i tell anybody who wants to know about it. >> jimmy: all right, awesome. yeah, me too. -- the birth certificate. yeah.

let's -- wait -- so, "nurse --" >> why are we here? what happened? >> jimmy: yes. exactly. "nurse jackie." >> you're right, okay. >> jimmy: let's talk about this now. season five. i was there when you won the emmy for comedy category, which was awesome. pretty fun. and i always remember you saying backstage, like, "it's not a drama." like, i don't -- >> you know, i always get in trouble for this. but, i mean, they're funny shows. like, you know, "will & grace" and "30 rock" and stuff. >> jimmy: yeah, >> and ours is -- it's an emergency room. i don't know. it's funny to some people, i guess. i don't know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, but you have good lines. and you deliver good lines. every time they show a clip, it's funny. >> listen, listen, i'm not gonna say another word 'cause they'll make me give it back. [ laughter ] i 'm perfectly fine with it. >> jimmy: we love watching you get up there because you have great speeches. and you're just a likable, fun person. and -- my, my, my. but this time -- so, jackie is sober. >> yeah. >> jimmy: no more pills? >> nope. >> jimmy: no. what else is -- what's going on this season? >> well, that's kind of enough. >> jimmy: yeah. >> do you know anybody who's trying to do that? >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> you know, trying to go through all of the daily things of a person who works a lot and has two kids and now she's --

she's not married and doing it all without something she's had her whole life to help her. complicated. >> jimmy: and adam ferrara, i know, is in this season. >> funny man. >> jimmy: i've known him for a long time. >> so funny. >> jimmy: he might be one of my favorite stand up comedians. >> oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: great guy. >> he's just, i mean, tremendous fun to be around. he's another long island guy, which is where i'm from. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so, feels like being back home. >> jimmy: i want to show a clip. >> all right. >> jimmy: we always show clips when people come on the show. >> please do. >> jimmy: here's the very awesome edie falco with the very funny adam ferrara. [ cheers and applause ] in the new season "nurse jackie." check this out. >> you all right? >> yeah, i'm fine. ex-husband. nobody's called him that yet. >> ah, fresh ink. how long have you been divorced? >> oh, i don't know. two hours, i guess. a little less. >> is that why you decided to hit him with your car? >> no, it's an accident, officer. >> come on, you wanted to do it. a little bit? >> i'm sorry. are you flirting with me? >> well, that just killed it. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: totally not funny. [ cheers and applause ] not funny at all. we love you. our thanks to edie falco! "nurse jackie," season five starts this sunday at 9:00 p.m. on showtime! dennis rodman joins us next! there he is in the bud light platinum suite! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: last night our next guest was fired by donald trump on "all-star celebrity apprentice." but we love him. ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for the one and only dennis rodman! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: dennis rodman! you can't beat dennis rodman. you can't beat dennis rodman. come on. welcome. welcome to the show. can i just add, where have you not been for the last six months? i see you everywhere.

you're hanging out with kim jong-un. >> well, not with carmen electra. >> jimmy: yeah, no. no, that's true. that's true. that's true. >> that was a guy, right? that was a guy. >> jimmy: that's somebody else. yeah. >> she needs the money. she needs the money. she needs the money. [ cheers and applause ] sorry. sorry, guys. >> jimmy: i got to talk to you. i gotta talk to you about last night. so, i'm watching the apprentice. of course you're my favorite dude. so, every time i see you do something, i go, "i love dennis rodman. 'cause i think that one day he's just gonna walk into trump and go like, 'i'm leaving. you ain't gonna have a chance to fire me 'cause i'm gonna go, so you're fired.'" and then, just fire him. and then, i was like, "this is dennis rodman's 'celebrity apprentice,'" which i would watch. but you lasted -- you outlasted omarosa. you threw omarosa off. america's villain. you're the one that got rid of her. [ cheers and applause ] >> you know what's amazing? you know what's amazing? it's amazing that, you know, she had those crocodile tears, right? you know, "oh, my god, my husband died." "really, bitch? really, bitch? [ audience ohs ] really, bitch? really? really, bitch?" you know what? "oh, my god, oh my god!" "really? really?" "sorry, la toya.

sorry, la toya." >> jimmy: that was crazy. >> "-- come on, girl. what the hell are you talking about? you're talking to me. dennis rodman. really?" >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. this is why -- another reason why i like you. all right. 'cause you do cool things. you come out. you never know what you're going to do next. then you put out a children's book. >> oh, look at that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not a joke. that's for real deal. >> that's for real, that's for real. and it's about a bull that just -- it's about a bull that's just -- is itself. and it's teaching kids, "just be yourself." >> pretty much. that's pretty much where it is. thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: i love that. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah, see, i mean, we could go on tour together. exactly. >> we should, man. >> jimmy: yeah. i think i'd look good in that hat. >> i know, right? >> jimmy: yeah. >> cool, man. >> jimmy: can i try it on? >> can i ask you a question. >> jim: sure. >> is that suit too short for you? >> jimmy: i don't know. did you just come out of the ocean and seaweeds are all over your neck? [ laughter ] >> oh! ♪ >> jimmy: you're like a merman! you're like merman! >> that's a joke. that's a joke. that's a joke, right there.

that's a joke. >> jimmy: i tried. it took you this long to get one out. >> i know, right? >> jimmy: but dennis, i -- you can get this at dennisrodman.com. you pick this up. it's cool. read it to kids. they'll be themselves. they'll be better people about it. and i do appreciate it. >> it was fun, man. >> jimmy: that's what it's all about. [ cheers and applause ] why not? that's what we do, right? we're having fun. they have fun. even though donald trump fired you last night, we thought if you want, we'd let you turn the tables tonight and fire him. so, here's what we're going to do. we're going to give you a donald trump digital wig. >> right. >> jimmy: and then, in your best donald trump impression, look into this camera and say, "you're fired" or say whatever you wanna say. [ laughter ] just say "you're fired." [ cheers and applause ] just say, "you're fired." >> you're fired. >> jimmy: ready? look -- see your head's gonna look like. that's not bad. [ laughter ] get out -- you're not gonna do it? all right. good. dennis rodman, everybody! [ cheers and applause ]

"all-star celebrity apprentice" -- it airs sundays at 9:00 pm on nbc. ghostface killah performs next! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ no more dry hair. get hydration that lasts! new hydra recharge from garnier fructis. hydration innovation! bead after bead, burst on impact. a superfruit blast of goji berry and passionfruit. hydra recharge actively replenishes hydration. so potent, you'll feel it 2 full days. nonstop silky. surprisingly weightless. new hydra recharge hydration...that lasts. garnier fructis. the strength to shine.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is one of our favorites. he's here tonight to perform the song "i declare war" from his new album "12 reasons to die," which will be in stores on april 16th in tandem with this cool comic. he's joined tonight by adrian young, masta killah, killah priest and the roots. please welcome back to the show, ghostface killah! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> yeah. uh-huh, uh-huh yeah, that's right. how ya'll doin' out there? make some noise. [ cheers ] >> yeah >> yeah >> yeah ♪ ♪ yo it's tone starks the don the face of killer the voice of past ♪ ♪ and present

i speak thrillers rock the purple robe crushed it with ♪ ♪ 24 carat gold the chain is chunky like the neck of a monkey glass slipper ♪ ♪ my wallos is made from lion skin king of the jungle ain't about me humble ♪ ♪ rock a black panther hoodie made from panther skin i'm black on the ♪ ♪ outside and black within the hood superhero the mother don dada the don wilson ♪ ♪ i do what i gotta i'm a boss them delucas try to front on my skin tone ♪ ♪ i left the fam to start a fam of my own a black italiano big pinky rings ♪ ♪ from sicily i move like a don of the fam it's officially ♪ ♪ wartime starky on some on some black avengers shadow boxing with killers that move like ninjas ♪ ♪ ♪ >> yeah. ey, ey, ey. ♪ ♪ ♪ i declare war war on the delucas bulletproof jet plane you can't shoot us ♪

♪ can't stop my reign i terrorize the power there goes the king of new york ♪ ♪ you betta cower war war on the delucas bulletproof jet planes ♪ ♪ you can't shoot us can't stop my reign i terrorize the power there goes the king ♪ ♪ of new york you betta cower i'm prepared to go to war for the battle ♪ ♪ of supremacy there's nothing now to remedy this decision the only thing left is ♪ ♪ the loyalty of the family 'cause once we establish the power they gone turn sour ♪ ♪ and use everything in they power to shut us down we've come too far to turn around tone ♪ ♪ got a new connect don stone flew his private jet from rome ♪ ♪ to talk business he heard your crime saga stone's looking to invest millions ♪ ♪ it's up to tone this move could make us both rich your crew is armed ♪ ♪ cocked and ready to rock steady it's non-stop hustle flow to old casinos ♪ ♪ with rza tarantino it's wu-gambino for life you know how we go until the last ♪ ♪ breath blow mi amigo ♪ ♪ >> yeah. ey, ey, ey. yeah.

♪ >> ey. >> come on! ♪ ♪ [ cheers ] >> yeah. making some noise! come on. ♪ ♪ >> yeah, okay. ♪ ♪ >> yeah, one, two, one, two, yeah. yeah. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. ghostface killah! look for the album "12 reasons to die" in stores april 16th. we'll be right about, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to keith richards, edie falco, dennis rodman, ghostface killah! [ cheers and applause ] and the greatest band in late night, the roots, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "carson daly"! thank you for watching! have a great night! i hope to see you tomorrow! thank you! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

♪ captions paid for by nbc-universal television captions by vitac www.vitac.com ♪ >> carson: well, good evening, i'm carson daly, coming to you from koi restaurant here in west hollywood, and here's what we got going on tonight on the show. in the "spotlight," we'll introduce you to off-kilter comedy of kurt braunohler. for music we'll visit the el rey for some silver lake rock n' roll thanks to local natives.

but first, prior to landing her gig onox, tonight's interview guest had exactly zero television acting credits to her name. canadian's knew her as a host, model, and music vj, but american audiences are falling in love with her as cece from the comedy series, "new girl." to lexington social house we go for all things hannah simone. ♪ >> carson: it's not everyday i get to talk to a fellow video jockey. [ laughs ] that is one of the greatest -- >> what's up, man? >> carson: dude, i mean, you were at muchmusic in canada -- >> uh huh. >> carson: -- representing your neighbor to the south at mtv. >> right. ♪ >> carson: "new girl" has been such a big hit. we had max greenfield on the show, and i was talking to him about schmidty and -- [ laughs ] and what he brings to it, and you're here to rep cece. i mean, what is going on with these two? they're together and then they're not together. the house is getting quite incestuous. >> yes. yeah, it is. >> it's so weird to think that nick is the last person i've kissed. actually, schmidt's the last person i kissed. >> okay, what? >> it was nothing. nick was watching.